Madame Web

Episode 249: Madame Web

Theme: Spider-Men Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis wrap up Spider-Men Month by stepping directly into the multi-layered, 2003-era disaster that is Sony's Madame Web. It’s a film where Dakota Johnson plays a paramedic who deals with trauma by stealing ambulances, taking spontaneous 36-hour trips to the Peruvian Amazon, and leaving three future Spider-Women unattended in a forest with strict instructions to "not do dumb stuff." Grab a slice of table-dancing diner pie, check your local NSA surveillance feed, and prepare for a final battle brought to you by an exploding Pepsi sign.

The hosts break down:

• Cassie Webb (Dakota Johnson): A clairvoyant NYC paramedic whose deadpan, flat-line delivery makes every near-death vision feel like a moderately inconvenient table read.

• Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim): A black-suit-wearing villain whose entire motivation stems from a recurring nightmare where three teenage girls in cheap Spirit Halloween costumes throw him off a building.

• The "Don't Do Dumb Stuff" Protocol: A masterclass in foster-parenting where Cassie repeatedly abandons three high-risk teenagers in high-visibility locations (including a forest-adjacent diner) so she can go research her mom's Peruvian spider field notes.

• The Pepsi Sign Climax: An explosive final showdown set inside a disused, industrial-grade fireworks factory where every piece of stray metal is effortlessly deflected before a giant corporate "P" crushes the bad guy.

• The Motel Bed Assignment: A structural mystery into why a grown woman takes an entire double bed for herself while forcing three teenagers to share the second mattress.

Final Verdict:

Oz — 2 Spider People (The ones that climb down from the trees)
Curtis — 27 Pepsi Product Placements