The Witches

Episode 34: The Witches (1990)

Theme: Creepy Movies for Kids
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis dust off their hotel loyalty cards, light up a celebratory cigar (grandma style), and dive into The Witches — the only kids’ movie bold enough to combine child endangerment, vacation diabetes, and Angelica Huston serving runway-level evil in a La Quinta conference room.

Join your two favorite mouse sympathizers as they unpack:

• Why Angelica Huston gives the Grand High Witch so much villain swagger that it feels illegal she wasn’t nominated for “Most Fabulous Threat to Children.”
• How Grandma Helga chain-smokes cigars, hunts witches, battles diabetes, and still manages to be the most functional adult in the entire film.
• Why Bruno Jenkins is the final evolutionary form of the 80s/90s “fat kid side character” — a boy powered entirely by pastries, optimism, and pre-diabetes.
• The undeniable truth that Luke’s escape from the witch convention is the least realistic thing in the movie — and this is a film where a kid turns into a mouse in five seconds.

And of course, the moment Rowan Atkinson (yes, Mr. Bean) shows up with a cleaver and commits the most violent rodent double-tap in children’s cinema history.

From purple-eyed creeps to mouse parkour, from cursed soup to inexplicable witch conventions held in discount seaside hotels, Oz and Curtis explore a movie where nothing makes sense except Angelica Huston’s bone structure.

Final Verdict:

Oz — One Louis Vuitton suitcase full of Formula 86
Curtis — Two types of diabetes (and counting)
Both — Still avoiding hotel soup forever.