Return of the Jedi

Episode 93: Return of the Jedi (1983)

Theme: Return Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis “return” with Return of the Jedi — the movie that asks, “What if the fate of the galaxy depended on teddy bears, family therapy, and a two-hour Kenner commercial?”

Join your two favorite rebel dads as they break down:

• Luke, who returns home dressed like a desert goth trying not to run into old classmates.

• Han Solo, fresh out of the Carbonite deep-freeze and immediately thrown into a union violation at Jabba’s.

• Leia, who sees Wicket point a spear at her and instantly decides, “You’re adorable, let’s be best friends.”

• The Jabba Rescue Plan, which works only if Lando gets hired through Tatooine’s temp agency and R2 is assigned to the exact sail barge Luke needs.

• Vader, who goes from “I cut off your hand” to “nobody electrocutes my kid but me.”

• Emperor Palpatine, the galaxy’s crankiest grandpa, running on unlimited evil and zero safety rails around bottomless pits.

• The Ewoks, who somehow had giant rolling tree-log death traps pre-installed like they’ve been prepping for Predator since the Bronze Age.

• That cursed CGI musical number, proving George Lucas sometimes edited these movies like he lost a bet.

From speeder chases shot at one frame per second to Vader tossing his boss into a space pit, Jedi sticks the landing with fireworks, ghost cameos, and the galaxy’s quiet agreement to pretend they know who Hayden Christensen is.

Final Verdict:

Oz — 8 Admiral Ackbar Traps
Curtis — 87 Sad Ewoks

Next week: School’s back in session, so Oz & Curtis return to high school too — with Return to Horror High (1987), featuring early-career George Clooney, Maureen McCormick, and a script that throws everything at the wall… including the wall.