Christine

Episode 102: Christine (1983)

Theme: Stephen King Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis pop the hood on Christine — John Carpenter’s supernatural car-romance-thriller that asks, “What if Titane, Herbie the Love Bug, and Halloween all merged into one Plymouth Fury with abandonment issues and a body count?”

Your two favorite non-union auto mechanics dig into:

• The Movie Marriage: Titane × Herbie the Love Bug × Halloween (but vroomier).

• Arnie Cunningham — dweeby cardigan boy turned leather-clad vehicular simp, who loves his car so much you half-expect a tailpipe scene (thankfully Carpenter shows mercy).

• Dennis Guilder — jock best friend, Top Gun’s Cougar-by-proxy, and the only person in the movie who isn’t either possessed, gaslit, or violently choking someone.

• Christine herself — the cherry-red murder machine with jealous-girlfriend energy, a killer sound system, and the ability to fix her dents faster than Marvel fixes its CGI.

• Buddy Repperton & his gang — grown-man “teenagers,” including a dude with a switchblade, a dude with a perm, and a dude whose signature fighting move is a full-on crotch grab.

• The Drive-In Disaster — rain, jealousy, choking, supernatural locking doors, and an emergency Heimlich from a random guy just trying to enjoy his popcorn.

• The Revenge Rampage — fire, explosions, alleyway crushing, and the greatest “car on fire sprinting after a bully” moment in cinema history.

• Darnell’s Garage — where men, machines, cigarettes, and OSHA violations blend into one mustard-stained nightmare.

• Christine’s Final Stand — bulldozers, scrap piles, one extremely dramatic windshield ejection, and a last twitch of the grille that says, “You can cube me… but you can’t kill my spirit.”

It’s Carpenter in his greasy, synthy glory: moody lighting, perfect vibes, and a killer car that out-acts half the cast.

Final Verdict:

Oz — 58 Plymouth Furies
Curtis — 74 Third-Party Crotch Grabs

Next week: Maximum Overdrive — Stephen King writes, directs, and remembers absolutely none of it. ACDC screams, trucks revolt, and humanity suffers for King’s cocaine era. Buckle up.