The Transporter

Episode 113: The Transporter (2002)

Theme: “By the Numbers” Action Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis hit the gas on The Transporter — the Jason Statham action-flick that blends Excess Baggage × Crank × Rules of Engagement × a DHL commercial into one perfectly delivered, signature-required package.

Your two favorite rule-following renegades unpack:

• The Movie Marriage: Excess Baggage × Crank × Rules of Engagement × “What can Brown do for you?”

• Frank Martin: Ex-military, American (sure), and a man whose entire personality is “I follow rules… until I absolutely don’t.”

• The Rules:

  • Rule #1: Never change the deal.

  • Rule #2: No names.

  • Rule #3: Never open the package.
    Frank breaks all three in under 40 minutes.

• Lai: The “excess baggage” in question — taped shut, feisty, charming, and somehow making coffee and pastries after a night spent hiding from rocket launchers.

• The BMW Chase: Seatbelts, rotating plates, vomit breaks, and a mid-drive morality lecture.

• The House Ambush: Frank outruns a rocket (literally), dives into a neighbor’s indoor marina, and emerges shirtless because… Statham.

• The Warehouse Fights: Axemen, wall stunts, bicycle-pedal traction shoes, and enough spilled oil to open a Jiffy Lube.

• The Semi-Truck Finale: Parachutes, broken mirrors, improbable physics, a tire iron thrown with sniper accuracy, a semi rodeo, and the world’s least helpful human-trafficking villain.

• Inspector Tarconi: The only cop in cinema history who willingly helps a suspect escape because he’s just so darn likable.

Final Verdict:

Oz — 10w30
Curtis — 88 Bicycle Pedals

Next week: Rhyming Titles Month begins with Action Jackson — Carl Weathers, Vanity, Craig T. Nelson, and the busiest poster you’ve ever seen. Buckle up for 80s chaos.