Silent Hill

Episode 158: Silent Hill (2006)

Theme: Video Game Movies
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis wander into Silent Hill — the only video game adaptation bold enough to say, “What if The Mist, In the Mouth of Madness, Hellraiser, The Craft, and an entire Spencer’s Gifts Halloween aisle got dumped into a fog machine?” Add some OSB board aesthetics, a cult whose hobbies include arson and bad fashion, and a cop who looks like she’s cosplaying Robert Patrick, and you’ve got yourself a movie that is absolutely… present.

Join your two favorite fog-drenched explorers as they unpack:

• The never-ending opening act where Rose jogs through town screaming Sharon so many times it becomes its own drinking game.

• Pyramid Head, who shows up twice, does a couple cool things, and then apparently clocks out for the rest of the film.

• Cybil’s entire character arc, which is 75% aviator sunglasses, 25% unlimited ammo.

• A cult storyline that veers so hard into Monty Python witch-trial territory that it becomes the wrong kind of funny.

• The ending twist, which suggests that even when you escape Silent Hill… you don’t actually escape Silent Hill.

From barbed-wire vengeance to rusted bathrooms, from terrible parenting decisions to repeated exposition dumps that halt the plot like a bad loading screen, Oz and Curtis break down a video game movie that doubles its budget, swings for the fences, and still somehow feels like a two-hour cutscene.

Final Verdict

Oz — A Multiverse of Madness
Curtis — Too many Elles
Both — Still unsure why haunted towns are always so moist.