This one is purely for my daughter. She LOVES anything cold and always gets Icees at the movies. A pre-melted Icee offers texture that a soft drink can’t provide. Although all Icees taste artificial, the Cherry Icee tastes enough like something that could theoretically exist in nature.

Originally off my list, Reese’s Pieces worked its way back in sheerly for nostalgia. I couldn’t leave my childhood favorite out. Reese’s Pieces offers a VERY sweet peanut buttery flavor underneath its crispy shell. Additionally, their relatively small size allows consumers to modulate their bite sizes. A little too sweet for my current taste, Reese’s Pieces remains a theater classic.

Another very sweet candy, Sour Patch Kids make the list because they offer something a bit different from other movie theater candy options – the sour aftertaste. Offering a sweet and sour combination makes Sour Patch Kids stand apart from sweet and salty combos. Additionally, the flavor variety makes each bit just different from the last.

Not the most popular of selections, Goobers offers something most other movie theater candy doesn’t – PROTEIN. Trying to MAXXX out at the gym? Grab some Goobers at the movies. Featuring a dry roasted peanut, Goobers sets itself apart from other nut-based candy. Let go of your pretentiousness and give Goobers a shot!

Keeping things 100% real, I don’t often eat Milk Duds straight out of the box. They are large, VERY sweet, and set in your teeth like concrete. Gargling with turpentine is the only way to truly remove Milk Dud residue from your teeth. That said, mixing Milk Duds directly into warm movie theater popcorn is the ultimate salty and sweet combination. You won’t regret picking popcorn kernels out of your mouth concrete.

I can’t think of a more well-balanced candy than Peanut M&Ms. They are the perfect size, offer three different layers, and cover your palette just right. This classic never goes out of style.

Before anyone tries to cancel Let’s Talk About Flix, hear me out. The Flix attorneys have assured me that I am within my legal rights to rank Raisinets: Milk Chocolate this high on the list. As a stand-alone snack, raisins are turds defecated by the Devil himself. However, something magical happens when covered with milk chocolate. Science has yet to find conclusive evidence indicating how this combination works. It just does.

Plain and simple, Buncha Crunch is the perfect movie theater candy. Combining milk chocolate with rice krispies, Buncha Crunch is the perfect level of sweetness while providing a satisfying crunch. Plus, they’re like snow flakes – no two Buncha Crunches are alike. Each handful is its own unique experience. And it rhymes!

Every movie theater experience requires at least 96 ounces of soft drink. Fused with enough sugar to gift movie goers with Type 2 Diabetes, Sprite goes with everything, be it salty, sweet, sour, or any combination. Every movie theater soft drink dispenser should be Sprite.

Could there be any other choice? You don’t go to the movies and not get popcorn. People have been ritually killed for worse offenses. Already cooked in “butter,” you then ladle on butter-flavored topping and finish it off with a snowstorm of salt. This bucket of heart disease is glorious in every way. Additionally, one does not simply eat popcorn. The correct method is to press an overflowing handful into and against one’s face as hard and vigorously as possible. If your cheeks are not dripping butter-flavored topping, you’re not doing it right. There must be a minimum 10 pieces of popcorn in one’s mouth at all times. Your significant other should be appalled, ashamed, and disgusted with you. Cup. Shovel. Deposit. Repeat.