You, Me & the Christmas Trees

Episode 5: You, Me & the Christmas Trees (2021)

Theme: Hallmark-esque Christmas Movies
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis bundle up their cynicism, pour a suspiciously oversized mug of hot cocoa, and dive straight into You, Me & the Christmas Trees — the 2021 Hallmark fluff-fest where a lonely tree scientist and a hunky tree farmer prove that love is real, science is magic, and roundabouts are humanity’s greatest foe.

Join your two favorite holiday skeptics as they unwrap:

• Why Danica McKellar’s character is less “tree scientist” and more “woman who thinks science is holding a beaker while staring meaningfully into the distance.”

• How Jack, the hunky Christmas tree farmer, keeps reminding everyone his farm is 100 years old — just in case the town forgot sometime within the last 30 seconds.

• Why Avon, Connecticut apparently runs on a strict diet of hot cocoa, cider contests, gingerbread bake-offs, craft fairs, and zero actual employment.

• How Dwayne, the villainous rival tree farmer, feels like Wayne from The Wonder Years if he’d grown up to run an illegal pesticide ring.

• The unsettling truth that Jack and Olivia spend approximately 19 minutes doing real tree science and 24 straight hours attending Christmas parties.

• And, of course, the big twist: the only thing more fragile than Jack’s dying trees… is the communication skills in this relationship.

From awkward first kisses to suspiciously fast lab results, from perfectly lit drone shots to a 15-year-old police officer who looks like he escaped from Newsies, Oz and Curtis explore Hallmark’s unique ability to make two adults fall in love like emotionally stunted middle-schoolers.

Final Verdict:

Oz — Three holiday parties out of five
Curtis — Eighteen and a half brown pine needles
Both — Still stuck in the roundabout.