Hard to Kill

Episode 111: Hard to Kill (1990)

Theme: “By the Numbers” Action Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis dive into Hard to Kill — the Steven Seagal vanity project that boldly asks:
“What if Peeping Tom met Above the Law, swung by The Dead Zone, invited Wolfgang at an Oscars watch party, and mixed it all with Ron Burgundy’s self-confidence and full-blown narcissistic personality disorder?”

Your two favorite vest-wearing, ponytail-fearing action scholars break down:

• The Movie Marriage: Peeping Tom × Above the Law × The Dead Zone × Wolfgang god-knows-what × Anchorman’s ego × a DSM-V case study.

• Mason Storm: A cop so hard to kill he survives shotgun blasts, coma time, corruption, terrible facial hair, and Steven Seagal’s own handwriting.

• The Oscars Obsession: Mason Storm is REALLY into the 1983 Academy Awards. Like… concerningly into them.

• The Home Invasion: Two blasts to the chest? No problem. One blast to the wife? Immediate murder. One blast to the plot? Also murder.

• Nurse Andy: Kelly LeBrock playing the world’s thirstiest coma nurse, whispering seductions, lifting bed sheets, and checking out long-idle Seagal anatomy.

• The Seven-Year Coma Glow-Up: He wakes up looking like a Spirit Halloween beard glued to a glazed ham.

• The Montage: Tiny weights, bird screams, healing chi, acupuncture, and Steven Seagal jogging like he’s late to a middle-school ska concert.

• The Sex Scene: Seagal’s idea of intimacy: honk-honk, squeeze-squeeze, awkwardly clutching Kelly LeBrock like he’s opening a stubborn pickle jar.

• The Revenge: Broken arms, stabbed necks, glass-breaking, pool-cue murder, and a threat to send a corrupt senator to the “blood bank.”

• The Finale: Storm storms in, shoves a shotgun in a senator’s mouth, and delivers justice with his very best monotone mumble.

Final Verdict:

Oz — 4 Training Montages
Curtis — 7 Years in a Coma

Next week: Bloodsport — Jean-Claude Van Damme, Forest Whitaker, Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, and more uses of the word “Kumite” than legally necessary. Prepare your splits.