Valley Girl

Episode 120: Valley Girl (1983)

Theme: Wives’ Choice Month
Hosts: Oz & Curtis

This week, Oz and Curtis head back to the pastel-soaked, slang-heavy, super-tubular world of Valley Girl — the Romeo & Juliet × Clueless × Karate Kid × Grease × Chopping Mall mash-up you didn’t know you needed. It’s early-era Cage, peak mall culture, and enough “gag me with a spoon” energy to power an entire Claire’s Boutique.

The Movie Marriage: Clueless × Say Anything × The Outsiders × Greece × The Karate Kid × Chopping Mall
(You know… the classics.)

The hosts break down:

• Nicolas Cage pre–dentist era, chest hair arranged like a geometry proof, and delivering some elite early-Cage weirdness.
• Julie: the sweetest Valley girl alive — adored by friends, parents, and questionable societal norms — caught between the “right” guy and the Randy guy.
• The Valley vs. Hollywood divide, explored through malls, beach flirting, club nights, and one legendary bathroom infiltration.
• Tommy: the popped-collar ego factory who treats girlfriends like accessories and kung-fu fights like he learned them from cable.
• Subplots involving cougar moms, grocery boys, suspiciously pristine bathrooms, and four strategically-deployed pairs of ‘80s-mandated boobs.

Final Verdict:

Oz — A Million Miles Away
Curtis — 71 Auntie Anne’s Pretzels

Next week: Wives’ Choice Month keeps rolling with True Romance (1993) — Tarantino script, Tony Scott style, Elvis spirit guide, and a cast list longer than a CVS receipt. Buckle up.